


What Happens When You Drop a Pencil

by pessimish



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 03:57:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6104056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pessimish/pseuds/pessimish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know what they do to guys like them in prison.<br/>Except they aren't in prison.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was your average rainy day in London; the clouds engulfed buildings with their somber, gray fog. The sun ceased to shine as it was held captive behind the clouds.   
Hostile raindrops struck the window with extreme prejudice.   
Ah yes, it truly was your average day.  
Dan and Phil had no problem with these days seeing as they were quite normal.   
Although, this dark gloomy day had been much different.  
Abnormality had become prevalent when the entire city had a blackout due to extreme weather.

Dan and Phil were watching television when suddenly the lights went out.

"What the fuck?" Dan asked, curling into a ball.

"I think the lights went out." Phil said sheepishly.

"Well no shit." 

Dan stood up with the intention of finding a flashlight, but to no avail he tripped over the coffee table.

"FUCK." Dan's foot had been wounded.

"Are you alright?" Phil asked, hearing the discomfort in Dan's voice.

"Yeah, I think so." Dan held his foot and groaned.

Phil turned the flash on his phone for a temporary light source. What would usually be a dim light was now a luminous sun-like equivalent to save the day. He turned the phone to face upwards, illuminating the vicinity. 

Dan stumbled around in search for his laptop. He butted heads with Phil and screamed something you would only hear out of a somewhat effeminate male ape.

"Oops, sorry." Phil murmured.

Dan screeched once again.

Phil froze.

This aroused him.

"D- Dan?" Phil asked.

"Mhm?"

"Do that again." Phil commanded.

Dan screeched the most eardrum shredding sound that could have possibly come from a twenty four year old man and felt around for Phil in the dark.

Phil moaned.

Or should I say he screeched in response?

"P-Phil oh my go- god. Make that noise again!" Dan exclaimed, taking his left sock off and trailing it against Phil's cheek.

Phil responded with his rendition of Dan's screech.

"Phil's got wood." Dan said in a Geordie accent.

Phil felt himself. It was so.

"Romeo, Romeo. Where art thou lube?" Dan stroked Phil's shoulder.

"I don't think we own any." 

Dan scooted closer to Phil and put his lips to Phil's ear.

"Insufficient." Dan whispered.

"Oh yeah Danny put your chin right in my ear." 

Dan's ass shot in the air.

"Oh dear lord, it is happening." Dan cried.

Phil furrowed his brow and stared as Dan began glowing and flying into the air, slowly being led by his ass.

"Dan, don't leave me!" Phil exclaimed.

"Ding dong calm your schlong." Dan screeched as he flew higher in the air.

"Goodbye lover." Phil cried and shit himself from fear.

This was the official end of Dan and Phil.


	2. Trail Mix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to make a grown man cry and utilize trail mix for adult purposes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like it would be helpful to add that I wrote What Happens When You Drop a Pencil at like 3 in the morning and I wrote this whilst I was like a five on the drunk scale.  
> My inhibitions have been removed, so much as that I may or may not proofread.

The lights had come back on, but the light in Phil's heart was dim and shady.  
Daniel James Howell was no longer in his presence.  
Long ago, (about a day ago), Dan's ass miraculously swept him away.   
Phil never quite knew the reason. That is, until he received a note.

**To: Phil**   
_Philipe, I have stolen your little bitch for my own consumption.  
I will masticate your lover at promptly 12:00 AM. I hath removeth him from thy household because you fail to comply with one simple order; leave his ass alone. No lube? What kind of a silly billy ray cyrus dickle are you? I am ashamed! No more happy little Phil to take Dan away, for I have done the deed.  
Sincerely, Dan's ass. _

_Oh, and PS: fuck you._

Phil changed pants and grabbed a large oyster card for he had a big mission to go on.  
He was charging for the door when he felt something standing on his foot.

It was none other than Dan's ass.

"Hello my friend. I see you have come to plot my demise?" Dan's ass asked.

"Give me Dan." Phil ordered.

"Give me your ass." Dan's ass screamed.

Phil gasped. He didn't know this ass was into scientology.

"You'll never take me alive!" Phil screamed, dashing out the door.

It began to dramatically rain subsequent to Phil exiting the house.

"Come out come out wherever you are!" Dan's ass manically scoffed.

Phil searched for ass. 

"Ding dong dum, here I cum." Dan's ass yodeled.

"Gotta blast." Phil replied.

Phil grabbed a boombox and began playing Nicki Minaj

"Heed my warning." Phil proclaimed.

Dan's ass began twerking uncontrollably. It started screaming and running, followed by it ineffectively casting a Wiccan spell in Phil's direction.   
It glowed in the dark and shone in Phil's eyes, leaving him temporarily blind. It was like the wedding scene in Shrek.  
Dan suddenly appeared in the cloud of disheveled ass and stood up.

"Am- am I alive?" Dan asked, crying.

"You are, but your ass is not." Phil consoled Dan.

Dan felt his ass. It was gone.

Phil put his lips on Dan's ear.

"Insufficient ass." He whispered.

Phil's ass shrieked.


End file.
